i believe there's more to life than all this.
it's not so narrow, not so shallow..
im a lucky girl. many of us are. =)
there's so many things we are able to see, hear, feel, do.
but in this mayhem today, what goes?
it's not so simple, this cycle of constant pursuit of what we think works for us.
i would love to cut myself loose from these constraints.
go out there and really feel, really experience, for once, at all.
these days are dreamlike, out-of-focus.
i feel detached from me and the happenings around me.
a flickering spot of consciousness amidst the crowds.
awake yet barely there.
i flit from scene to scene, touch and go, barely a shadow in the depths of memories at the back of minds.
there's no more pain or fatigue or shame but yet the laughter and crinkles of joy around my eyes reflect no more than mere flashes of what it ought to be, not what it really is.
the numbness overpowers all emotions and physical sensations.
maybe the clockwork's rusty and breaking down.
or maybe it'll just take time for me to return.